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Home › Articles › Your Children › The Long Goodbye

The Long Goodbye

Coping With the Death of a Friend

By Felicia Hodges

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Samantha Greene* and her next-door neighbor, Anna Sherman*, had been the best of friends ever since the movers unloaded Samantha's toys onto the front lawn of her new home in Beacon, New York. Anna brought over her teddy bear and a tea set, and the two 5-year-olds played for hours.

"They were like two peas in a pod," says Samantha's mom, Madeline. "Since that day, you rarely saw one without the other one close by."

The girls became so tight over the years that it was almost like having another daughter in the family. "Every weekend was a slumber party," Madeline says. "Either Anna was here or Sam was at Anna's. If Sam wasn't home, I knew she was either at Anna's or somewhere with her."

The girls shared a bond so close that the thought of one being without the other was an impossible idea. But that changed when Anna and her father were killed in a car accident the day before her 12th birthday.

"I still remember the day like it was yesterday," Madeline says. "Her dad had taken her to the mall to buy something special, and they were on their way back home. I know she would have stopped here to show Sam what she bought before she even took it in her house."

Losing a beloved friend is devastating for anyone. As adults, we often find ourselves struggling to understand the "why" and "how" of such tragedies. But when it's the life of a young classmate or relative of your own child, how do you help your preteen come to grips with the loss?

Talking About It
Unlike toddlers and young elementary school-aged children, preteens have a much clearer understanding of the concept of death and all the permanence it entails. They know for example, that when someone dies, they aren't merely out of sight, but physically not around to talk to, hug and joke with anymore. That, experts say, may be one of the key components in getting your child to come to terms with his or her loss.

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