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Best Friends
Encouraging Positive Connections Between Siblings
By Zeynep Biringen, Ph.D.
Encourage children to verbally express feelings rather than act out aggression and to express such feelings in a non-hostile manner. Encourage such non-hostile behavior by behaving in harmonious and fair ways toward the children rather than aggressive and bullying ways.
Teach your child to express his or her feelings in an assertive, not aggressive, way. Encourage your child to express his or her worries as well.
Encourage your children to engage in positive, cooperative activities together to build a positive and pleasurable repertoire in their relationship.
Encourage your victimized child to feel as if he or she can come and get you. Let him or her know that you will not rescue them, but you will help with the problem-solving that is needed. You might facilitate "making amends." Children feel cared for when they know a supportive person can be relied upon to help them solve their problems – not solving the problems for them, but helping them figure it out themselves. Empowerment is the result. Don't do the work for one, the other or the relationship. Be an available, non-intrusive presence who can structure life for your children in a sensitive and non-hostile manner.
Read your children's emotional cues correctly, and work at understanding the cues of each of your children so you can understand by the look in their eyes what they are feeling. Show your children that you are emotionally connected and available to each of them in special and unique ways. If you have trouble in this area, try building your skills by talking and playing more with your child. As you spend more time with your child, you will be in a better position to understand where he or she is coming from and will more easily read emotional signals and communications. As you get to know your child better, it will become easier to understand his or her emotions.
