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How to Promote Responsibility
Holiday Discipline Without Stress, Punishments or Rewards
By Marvin Marshall
Use acknowledgments more than praise. Acknowledgment/recognition/validation simply affirm. "I see you made your bed," fosters reflection and feelings of self-competence, which leads to more growth. In contrast, saying, "I'm so proud of you for making your bed," encourages decision-making to please you. Developing responsibility, rather than pleasing you, is better for your child. 
Rewards do not motivate young people to be responsible; they merely change motivation from thinking of the act to thinking of the bribe. Let your child know that you expect responsible behavior. Society does not give rewards for expected standards of behavior. Besides, rewards fail the critical test: "What will I get if no one is there to see me?"
By offering choices, you can use authority and be tough without being punitive. Instill the mindset that your objective is to raise responsibility, not to punish. However, if a consequence is necessary, elicit it from the youngster rather than impose it. In this way, the youngster owns the consequence.
Having dreams come true on Christmas morning is wonderful, but giving kids the gift of responsibility will help them achieve their dreams in the long term. Small efforts go a long way to creating an internal guidance system to help children build their own sense of responsibility and, therefore, their own destinies.
