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The Many Faces of Mom

By Debbie Farmer

When I became pregnant, I vowed the most important thing I could do for my family was to be consistent.

Two children later, my moods swing faster than a tennis ball at Wimbledon, my children are saving their allowance for exorcism and my husband calls me Sybil under his breath. Although he says he will never really understand me, I have finally convinced him that six moms are better than one, especially if one actually cooks.

In the morning I am Bright, Perky, Energetic Mom. "Good morning children!" I cry, flinging open the mini-blinds. "Are you ready for your breakfast of Eggs Benedict with cream, home-cured butter, and fresh baked bread right out of the oven?"

"What's today?" my preschooler asks, wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"It's Thursday!" I chirp. "The fifth day of the week in the Western calendar originally called by the Greeks 'the day of Thor.' Now get up so we can begin our day of educational adventures to stimulate your growing minds."

My children just stare. Perky Mom lasts until Efficient Mom arrives at 10:30.

"Okay kids!" I shout. "Enough arts and crafts! I will start three loads of laundry, scrub the bathroom and dust your room. Then we will leave for the park at 11:36, feed three ducks, two geese and eat our lunches on a bench at noon."

My children stare. Efficient Mom is replaced by Tired Mom at 1:00 p.m.

"What day is it again, Mom?" my preschooler asks.