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Home › Articles › Family › Caught in the Act

Caught in the Act

When Kids Interrupt a
Romantic Moment

By Gina Roberts-Grey, LCSW

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Ask any parent about the difficulties of finding time for romance and they're sure to mention a lack of privacy as one of the top issues. Constant interruptions, questions about math homework, phones ringing to schedule play dates and having the soccer team over for victory pizzas are just a few causes of a lack of time for romance. Not only are the schedules, exhausting lifestyles and demands of parenting complicated, but a lack of privacy also places extreme demands on a couple's ability to be intimate.

Whether it's due to a bad dream, a plot to avoid bedtime or the onset of the flu, kids inevitably wind up in our bedrooms. They stumble in at 2 a.m. or sneak in during the late news to snuggle in between Mom and Dad. At one time or another, the timing of a child's entrance has left many parents feeling embarrassed, concerned or like a guilty teenager who's been caught out after curfew.

Michelle Alexander, from Bloomfield, Mich., is a family therapist specializing in prenatal and family development. As a clinical member of The Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, Alexander stresses the importance of parents preserving time to explore their adult relationship and connection.

"Amidst the pressures and influences that naturally divide a couple, preserving intimacy is pivotal," says Alexander. "A lack of privacy or a child's intrusion can create anxiety within the entire family."

Thinking Fast Saves the Day
Because most homes with children are revolving centers of activity, an uninterrupted intimate moment is often tough to schedule or fit in. Parenthood doesn't necessarily have to equate to the loss of spontaneity, creativity or playfulness. It simply requires combining an extra step or two with resourceful creativity and knowledge.

When Chicago Heights, Ill., parents Joe and Marsha Heldman's 6-year-old daughter walked into their room early one morning during an intimate moment, Joe Heldman was thankfully quick on his feet. "I blurted out something about helping retrieve something from Marsha's eye," he says. "Thankfully she didn't sense my nervous rambling and went back into her room."

The Heldman's situation is one that most parents have – or inevitably will – encounter. Depending on what your child sees, his age and maturity, this situation may propel all of you into a new and uncomfortable dimension.

How Much Do They Know?

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