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Home › Articles › Family › Successful Stepparenting

Successful Stepparenting

10 Top Tips

By Gwen Morrison

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Bill Maier, Psy.D., vice-president for Focus on the Family and psychologist in residence in Phoenix, Ariz., advises families to seek professional counseling long before the wedding date. "Expectations, roles and parenting styles should be clarified with the help of an experienced therapist," he says. "Couples who attempt to 'go it alone' may be setting themselves up for frustration and failure."

Time of Transition
It is very difficult to establish credibility as a stepparent if both of the adults are not consistent and agreeable on the way issues are handled when they arise. In the early months, it is often best for the stepparent to take more of a backseat role when the biological parent is at home.

"Each parent should reassure their kids of their love and attention despite the difficulties of transition to a new family," says Goodman. "It's great if everyone can spend lots of time together before the marriage in very informal, non-threatening environments."

Goodman has been a stepmother for more than six years and has learned a few things along the way. "The parents may even want to have a casual meeting so that everyone can discuss any fears or concerns," she says. "If the kids are reluctant to talk, the parents can just give their 'vision' of the family-to-be and reassure everyone of his or her place."

It's important to let everyone in the family adjust at their own pace and in their own way. Maier reminds parents that blended families present a whole set of parenting challenges that must be navigated with extreme care. "An unsuspecting stepparent may suddenly be confronted with long-standing alliances, power struggles and an 8-year-old who has assumed the role of 'surrogate spouse' in Mommy or Daddy's absence," he says.

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