- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- preschoolers today articles
- preschoolers today q&a
- children today articles
- children today q&a
- message boards
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
 |
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Think About It
Raising a Thinking Child
By Myrna B. Shure, Ph.D.
Sarah, a 4 year old I observed, consistently asked her mother to read her a story right while she was trying to make dinner. Her mom, having learned the problem-solving way, simply said, "I'm making dinner now. Can I make dinner and read you a story at the same time?" After Sarah smiled and admitted that she couldn't, her mother then asked, "Can you think of something different to do now?" Sarah thought for a moment (an important step in itself), then said, "I'll look at a book." Had her mother suggested, "Why don't you look at a book," would she have? We have learned that children are much more likely to carry out an idea when they think of it than when they are told what to do, or even explained the reasons why.
Parents often ask if they, by letting their children think for themselves, will lose control. In the long run, children learn to think through a solution to a problem, decide whether it is a good idea or not, consider their own and others' feelings, and in the end, will likely decide on a solution that has less negative consequences for themselves and others. When a 5 year old told me that he feels sad when he hurts his brother, that is what the problem solving approach is all about. He will soon stop hurting his brother because he fears being punished. And fear of punishment may only make the child fel helpless, and angry, and possibly even lead to taking those emotions out on safer objects, like other children. And when children are carrying on with a temper tantrum, or continue to do what we do not want them to do, who is really in control, anyway?
