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Think About It
Raising a Thinking Child
By Myrna B. Shure, Ph.D.
While problem solving with your child is not a cookbook, there are five basic questions that you can ask when a problem does come up.
- What happened? What's the matter?
- How did (your friend) feel when you ______?
- What happened next? What did s/he do or say?
- How did you feel when that happened?
- Can you think of a different way to solve your problem?
Problems between you and your child can be handled in similar ways. For example, a child who leaves skates in the middle of the room can be asked, "Is this a good place for your skates?" "What might happen if you leave them here?" "Can you think of a different place to put your skates so that won't happen?" Again, guide your child to think of the consequences that someone might get hurt, not just that s/he might get punished and yelled at.
We have learned that parents who use the problem solving approach have children who are less aggressive, less likely to fly off the handle when things don't go their way, are less impatient, and also less inhibited. In learning how to resolve everyday conflicts, they feel better about themselves, and they also get along better with others
