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Teaching Tolerance
Closing the Book on Hate
By Kelly D. Burgess
Shortly after the tragedy at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colo., Caryl Stern-LaRosa, director of educational programs for the Anti-Defamation League, was asked to appear on a morning talk show to discuss violence prevention. At home, her 4-year-old son watched. Later, she asked him what he thought about seeing Mommy on TV. She thought it odd that he didn't have much to say.
The next day he refused to get dressed for preschool. Apparently, before showing the interview with Stern-LaRosa, the network had run a tape of the shootings at Columbine. He was afraid if he went to school he'd be hurt.
"I spent the rest of the day with my son, and at one point he asked me 'Why do people hate?'" says Stern-LaRosa. "I suddenly realized that, although I was considered an 'expert' in the field, I didn't know what to say to my 4-year-old."
It's never too early to start teaching children tolerance. Research shows that a 6-month-old infant can distinguish skin color, hair texture and facial features. By age 3, children show definite preferences for people who look like them. By 4 or 5, children assign social characteristics based on skin color – in other words, stereotyping has already begun.
"The first thing parents have to do is look at the messages they're sending, not just blatantly, but subtly," says Stern-LaRosa. "If the only people who come to our house look like us, if the only people who look different are on our payroll, if we show anxiety when we're out with our child and someone who looks different comes toward us, the child will pick up on that."
After examining their own attitudes, parents need to be prepared to start conversations about prejudice and tolerance early in life. If they wait until it's required, because their child has become a victim or is victimizing someone else, there is too much emotion involved in the issue.
