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No Butts About It
Talking to Your Kids About Smoking
By Teri Brown
Smith believes tailoring your conversation to fit the child is the best way to go about opening up the discussion. "When talking to children, it is very important to take into account the child's level of development," he says. "This will influence what type of communication will be most appropriate, and most effective."
If your child is younger than 6, it is best to communicate with short, clear statements, as they do not understand complex discussions where both sides of a case might be presented. Anti-smoking messages at this age should be simple: Smoking is bad for your health. "There is no need to get into a long discussion of the various health risks or the reasons why people smoke," Smith says. "This will confuse the young child. If children ask, 'Why is so-and-so smoking?' parents can reply with short statements that avoid moralistic judgments. A simple, 'It isn't good for them. I wish they wouldn't smoke,' would be good."
Children between 6 and 12 may have more advanced thinking but prefer to communicate in clear "yes or no" and "right vs. wrong" terms. Discuss the health effects of smoking, but avoid terms like "bad" because the younger children especially may link the term with the person rather than the behavior. At this age, parents can add their expectation that their child should not smoke into the conversation. "Children at this age actively try to understand what their parents want and usually try their best to deliver," Smith says.
Another aspect parents need to consider is that children ages 9 and above are at high risk for peer-influenced smoking. Dr. Lawrence Shapiro, author of The Secret Language of Children (Sourcebooks Trade, 2004), believes that the best preventive measures have more to do with teaching your child proactive behaviors rather than simply discussing the dangers of smoking. "You should teach your child refusal skills or assertion skills at this age," he says. "You can do this by role playing or telling stories."
