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11 Ways to Help Your Middle Schooler Have a Peaceful School Year
An Excerpt from The Kids' Guide to Working Out Conflicts: How to Keep Cool, Stay Safe and Get Along
By Naomi Drew
The middle school years are filled with challenges and change – budding bodies, raging hormones, altered attitudes and questions about life that might never have popped up before. Add all this to the rising tide of conflict and bullying that take place in middle schools, and even the most balanced kid can become overwhelmed. How can parents prepare their middle schoolers for the road ahead? What can we do so bumps in the road don't turn into detours?
Here are 11 ways you can help your middle schooler start a peaceful year that continues until the last day of school:
1. Plan "Just Us" nights at least every other week throughout the year. These are nights that are just for the two of you (try late afternoons if nights are hard to schedule). During "Just Us" nights, choose something to do that you can both enjoy together – not TV or video games – even if it's just lying around and eating popcorn. Relax, unwind, talk and have fun. The purpose of these nights is threefold: to strengthen your bond, to open doors of communication and to enable your child to have time with you that he can depend on. Being there is more important than ever now that your child is in middle school.
2. Have your first "Just Us" night before or at the start of school. When you're together share the trepidations you experienced when you started middle school. Ask your child about his. Then just listen. Listening empathetically opens doors to communication and trust. Unsolicited advice and opinions closes them. Ask your middle schooler to let you know when he's ready for advice. Be patient and keep listening.
3. Help your child set realistic intentions for the school year. Ask: "If you could create this year exactly as you'd want it to be, what would it be like?" Encourage your child to look at the academic, social and emotional aspects of the year ahead. Then ask her to think of things she can do to create the kind of year she envisions. Let the answers come from her as much as possible. Remind her that we really do have the power to create the quality of our lives, and it's based almost entirely on the choices we make. Have your child write down her intentions for the year along with things she'll do to help them manifest. Encourage her to post this in her room.
