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Affirming Your Children's Voice
How and When to Encourage Your Child to Speak Up
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
Yes, it's OK for children to ask for what they want. Just because a child learns to speak up and ask for what she wants doesn't mean she will get it. Sometimes what a child wants is unhealthy or unsafe. It is our job as parents to deny those requests while respecting the child's right to vocalize her desire to get what she wants.
For some children, whining becomes the preferred way of asking for what they want. Our role is to give our children useful words to say what they want instead of whining. By helping them learn to say, "I want to stay up longer," "I want to be held" or "I want to get down," you teach them that using words is their best hope for getting what they want in your family. They also come to understand that whining doesn't work with you.
Say, "Brandon, that's whining. Whining doesn't work with me. Use your words to tell me what you want. By using words, you sometimes get what you want. Sometimes you don't. And it's your only hope."
3. They prefer NOT to have something.
Did you ever go on vacation with a teenager who didn't want to be there, one who pouted for the entire week you spent in a cabin in the woods? If so, you know the value of teaching children to voice their opposition to something you want for them. "I don't really like hooded sweatshirts," is important information to have before you make a $60-dollar purchase that your child will never wear. "Lima beans is my least favorite vegetable," is valuable data to accumulate before you head to the grocery store.
4. Their personal space has been violated.
