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Home › Articles › You and Your Children › Single and Social

Single and Social

Navigating the Dating Trail
With Little Ones

By Lisa A. Goldstein

Pages:  1  2  3  4  

The first step in introducing them is in a group setting with friends and/or family. And he is not introduced as Rodrigues' boyfriend. She says her daughter has met so many of her male coworkers and friends and loves them to death because there is no pressure for her to have to like them. "I think this makes for a good foundation for her friendship with the person I'm dating because she gets a 'no-pressure' introduction and the opportunity to become comfortable with him on a friendly level," says Rodrigues. Once she sees him a few times in social settings and Rodrigues can gauge her attitude toward him, it's time for something like dinner and a movie with all three of them. The relationship will then grow from there.

The Young Child's Perspective
Rodrigues figured out on her own what the experts advocate: Don't introduce a date to your child unless he's "the one," and then do it slowly, as though he's just a friend. "You can't expect your child to welcome a stranger with open arms," says Dr. Gilda Carle, a psychotherapist and relationship expert who's the Suddenly Single columnist for MSN.com. "A child will always at first feel as though he's going to be displaced. Your objective should be to allow the child to feel that this new person is going to enhance his life, not take away from it." In addition, don't bother telling children under the age of 4 about dating. "Adults today don't even understand dating, so how could litle kids?" says Dr. Carle.

It's also much easier the younger the child is, says Kathryn Alice, a relationship expert and former single mom. Kids under the age of 2 generally only get attached to two people, psychologically speaking, she says. "If these attachments are firmly in place – even with one highly involved parent – it will not affect the child deeply when someone they've been close to suddenly disappears," says Alice. Having said that, however, the longer the duration of the relationship, the more painful the breakup is for the child at any age.


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