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Home › Articles › Family › Safe Freedom

Safe Freedom

Giving Your Children Room to Grow

By Shel Franco

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I rode my bike in the street, without a helmet, when I was just 5 years old. Was I asking for trouble? Maybe, but if I was, a whole block of 5- and 6-year-olds were, too. After riding with such abandon, we spent our afternoons running from house to house, often ending up around the block. And the fun only came to a screeching halt when our moms would begin the evening roll call out our screen doors.

If you're the parent of a 5- to 8-year-old, this scenario is probably nothing new to you, but that's not because your child is partaking in such activities; rather, you're probably of just the right age to remember doing this yourself. So if I did it, and you did it, why can't our children do it?

Chris Crutcher, an award-winning children's author and a family therapist, knows all about giving children the freedom to grow. He has dedicated his life to giving this generation "a voice." When I asked Crutcher what he thought about letting 5- to 8-year-olds roam, he wasn't enthusiastic.

"It would be pretty hard for most parents to allow young kids that kind of freedom after watching more than an hour of CNN," he says. "I do believe there are more threats out there today, but I also believe it's hard to evaluate the true nature of those threats, because of the sensational quality of our daily news."

Most of us would agree that there are threats – even though some may be sensationalized – but it's still possible to give your kids the room they need to grow into self-assured individuals. Here's how.

Be a Scout
What's the Boy Scouts' motto? Be prepared. That should become your motto now, too. Your child is bound to ask if he or she can ride a bike to so-and-so's house. Then, there will eventually be requests for sleepovers and afternoons on the town. While your gut feels woozy, your head will start pondering all sorts of questions: What are these parents like? Are there guns in the house? Is this parent a good driver? What if somebody tries to abduct my child while he's walking or riding over? Should I say no? Should I say yes? What can I do?

"We can scout the environment ahead of time," Crutcher says.

Be prepared. Walk the route with your son or daughter, at first. Point out any glaring safety issues. Take note of whether or not you have a clear view of the house in question from your property – if you stand on your porch, can you remain in the shadows while still observing your child safely to the friend's doorstep? Can your child walk, keeping a safe distance from the street? Can he or she cut through the backyards?

Jennifer Nicola of Pittsburgh, Pa., has a few rules that make her feel more comfortable with the idea of giving her 7-year-old son some room to grow. "Dante knows the rules," she says. "He's not allowed to walk alone, and I don't care if it's just two doors down. If his brother is going, too, then they both walk together. Two of the boys in this neighborhood live next to each other, and they can run out their backdoors and meet in their yards, so those guys will most of the time walk up to get Dante, because they know the rule, too."

In a new neighborhood or at the beginning of a school year, you might feel caught off guard by requests to go over to so-and-so's house. Nicola, who also has a 9-year-old son, Roman, says she has a plan for that, too. "If my boys are invited to go to somebody's house and I don't know them or their parents, I ask the boys to play at our house instead," she says. "I might even suggest that the other parent and kid meet us at a local arcade instead – my treat. This usually works, and I get the chance to observe the kid and talk to his mom."

Be a Hawk
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