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Dealing With Death
Helping Your Child Handle a Death in the Family By Shel Franco
"We had a blanket that Nana had knit for McKayla when she was born," Hollis says. "When she died we brought out the blanket and let McKayla sleep with it. We explained how Nana had knit it for her and how she must have felt when she was doing so. McKayla slept with that blanket every night and called it her 'Nanablanket.'"
For some parents, a child's grief is much harder to detect. Crystel Riggs, of Clemson, South Carolina, says her daughter never cried and never acted out when her grandmother died unexpectedly. Instead, the child became quiet and refused to speak about the death or her grandmother.
In this situation, Welshons says that it is the parent's responsibility to gently bring the subject up periodically. Using questions like, "How do you feel about that?" while you hold and stroke the child lovingly may be just what is needed to open her up.
The key is to be available and to offer your listening ears and loving arms, even if your child isn't ready to talk.
Welshons asks parents to make sure that the child is expressing whatever is being felt on the inside. He advocates creative outlets for grief. "Whether it be through talking, painting, drawing, singing, dancing or some other means, encourage the child to find a creative outlet."
There are many picture books that tell the story of death using soft words and gentle illustrations. If you find yourself at a loss for words, quiet moments spent reading and then talking about the story may work wonders.
Parents simply want their children to feel better when they are feeling sad. By helping your child work through the feelings of grief, you might be surprised to notice that you are helping yourself cope, too.
