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Relational Aggression
Helping the Young Victims of Emotional Bullying
By Jenn Director Knudsen
Two weeks into her daughter's second grade year, Trudy Ludwig received a disturbing phone call. "Something was going on with Allie at the playground. It isn't pretty," Ludwig recalls a friend telling her of her then 7-year-old daughter.
The ugly thing was bullying.
Soon after the incident, Ludwig found out from her daughter's teacher what had transpired:
A group of about six girls surrounded her daughter, trapped her within a play structure and blocked off all exits. Simultaneously, Allie's peers rained down verbal taunts about whether or not she was a loyal friend. And then one of the girls began climbing toward Allie in a menacing way.
Panicked, penned in and feeling the situation spiral out of control, Allie started to cry. Fortunately, another of the girls recognized the horror of the situation and summoned the teacher, who intervened immediately, Ludwig says. But not before the damage was done.
A victim of emotional bullying for six months prior to this climactic event, Allie had begun to show outward signs of stress and anxiety: nervousness, complaining of headaches and tummy aches, crying at night, clinginess. "She didn't feel good; she just wanted to stay close to me," Ludwig says.
Also, Allie's invitations to events like slumber parties and play dates "slowed to a trickle," her mom says. Soon, Allie no longer wanted to go to school.
Ludwig wanted to help her daughter and so sought out resources about the kind of bullying Allie had become a victim of. A lot was out there for and about middle school and high school students, but not one book existed about elementary-age children.
So Ludwig wrote that book. My Secret Bully (RiverWood Books, 2004), illustrated by Abigail Marble, is available now both in stores and online. Already in use nationwide by teachers and parents alike, the story – accompanying resource lists, discussion questions and tips – helps parents and their elementary school kids – whether the bully, victim or bystander – navigate and rise above the murky terrain of bullying.
