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Daddies Do Dishes, Too
Teaching Nongender Roles to Children By Carma Haley
At a very young age, boys and girls learn the differences between the sexes. Sometimes the lessons are incorrect:
"Girls can't play football," says 5-year-old Robbie Shoemaker. "Football is for boys."
However, these lessons do not have to include those that show restrictions of male and female roles in life, in the home or in the family.
Parents can tell their children they can be whatever they want to be when they grow up. Sons can be encouraged to learn how to cook and daughters encouraged to learn how to fix cars. But unless these behaviors are modeled by the adults who encourage them, the lesson may be lost.
"Teaching a child that both Mommy and Daddy are equal cannot be done by just telling them so," says Mara Berkeley, a family therapist and professor at Bristol University in Rhode Island. "Parents must show children that the roles of family are intertwined. It is not Mommy's job to cook and clean and it is not Daddy's job to fix things and work outside the home. It is a matter of modeling. Children learn more by observing than parents believe."
Roles in today's family are not what they used to be. The large number of mothers who once stayed home to raise the children, cook, clean and create a beautiful living space has given way to both parents working outside the home and sharing the responsibilities of family life. According to the U.S. Census Department, 85 percent of two-parent homes require both parents to have outside employment.
"My husband and I don't even consider the way we do things as 'nontraditional.' I do a lot of minor repairs such as fix a stuffed up dishwasher or unclog a lint filter, and my husband takes his turn with the cooking and dishes," says Nicole Mitchell, a stay-at-home mother from Dyess Air Force Base in Texas. "My husband and I split major cleaning items down the middle -- such as spring-cleaning. This is just what we do; it is not a matter of traditional or nontraditional. My son doesn't know anything different than this."
