10 Ways to Help Kids to Really Say No and Buck Peer Pressure
By Michele Borba
Teach confident body language. Push-over kids usually stand with heads down, shoulders slumped, arms and knees quivering and eyes downcast. So even if he says "no" to his friends, his body sends a far different message and his words will have little credibility. So it's crucial to teach your child assertive body posture: Hold your head high, shoulders slightly back, look your friend in the eye and use a confident, firm tone of voice. It will help your child see what confident body posture looks like so she can use it herself. So role-play with your child the "confident look" and the "hesitant look." Then encourage your child to be on the lookout for "confident" or "hesitant" posture in other people. Look everywhere: at the mall, on the playground, even television and movie actors. Soon your child will instantly be able to spot confident posture and copy and use it himself. Use a firm voice. Emphasize that the tone of your child's voice is often more important than what he says. So tell your child to speak in a strong tone of voice. No yelling or whispering. Be friendly but determined. Just tell the friend where you stand. A simple "No" or "No, I don't want to" is fine. Reinforce assertiveness. If you want to raise a child who can stand up for his beliefs, then reinforce any and all efforts your child makes to be assertive and stand up for his beliefs. "I know that was tough telling your friends you had to leave early to make your curfew. I'm proud you were able to stand up to them and not just go along." Hold family debates. The best way for kids to learn to express themselves is right at home, so why not start "family debates" or if you prefer the more gentler-sounding approach – "family meetings"? Start by setting these five rules:
1. Everyone is listened to.
2. No putdowns are allowed.
3. You may disagree, but do so respectfully.
4. Talk calmly.
5. Everyone gets a turn.
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