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The Bully Battle

Dealing with Classroom Aggression

By Shel Franco

If a parent does get involved, O'Callaghan suggests the next step be contacting the school and applying pressure until an adequate solution is in place. "The school may have to bring in an expert on bullying and school safety and may have to be pressured to do so," he says.

In the unfortunate event that help from the school does not rectify the situation, the third step would be a non-blaming conversation with the aggressor's parents. If all else fails, O'Callaghan suggests reporting the incident to the police.

In the end, parents should keep in mind that professional intervention may not always be the best answer. "The bully will have little interest in listening to a lecture from a professional," O'Callaghan says. "The victim primarily needs the bullying to stop. Neither child needs a professional therapist. They need a professional bully-stopper."

How does a parent become a "professional bully-stopper?" O'Callaghan offers these tips:

• Pay close attention to the interactions of children in your care.
• Develop a close relationship with all children in your care so that they will be honest with you.
• Ask direct questions of children regarding their experience of safety in all settings.
• Intervene forcefully in incidents of child-child conflict either observed or reported. This intervention involves a brief or extended investigation, an adult judgment of guilt or innocence and an assignment of punishment to the offender.
• Most important, every incident of bullying should be mediated principally through the parents of the children involved, not other authorities like teachers, social service agencies, therapists or police. The parents are those most responsible for the child's behavior and it is of primary importance that they accept responsibility for their children and be capable of parenting with a balanced measure of both love and discipline.

Want to see more?

• Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones – And Words Can Hurt Too
• Staying Safe: Empower Your Children Today
• The Back to School Blues: How to Help Your Child Cope
• Talk about it!