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Home › Articles › Bedwetting › Straight Talk About Bedwetting

Straight Talk About Bedwetting

Speaking to Siblings of Special Needs Kids

By Lisa Marie Metzler

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Vanessa and Brian Miller* are the parents of 11-year-old Emily and 13-year-old Mark. Emily and Mark both have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Mark also has central apnea and stops breathing several times during the night. Both children are also chronic bedwetters.

Mark's incontinence problems were compounded by the fact that he wandered the house at night. Often he would wake up on the living room couch, where he would wet the furniture. While the Millers sought professional help, they also pursued a practical solution: absorbent undergarments. The results have been wonderful for both Emily and Mark. "I love it!" says Vanessa Miller. "They can go on sleep-overs with no worries about being embarrassed."

"It's Not Your Fault"
The Millers openly discussed the bedwetting issue with their children, and say it is a critical part of searching for a solution. "I think self-esteem is such a huge issue here," Miller says.

According to the National Kidney Foundation (NKF), the worst thing parents or caregivers can do is punish a child who wets the bed. "Children, particularly special needs children, are not being rebellious by wetting the bed," says Ray Blackstock of the Michigan-based NKF Patient and Family Council.

"The worst thing parents can do is humiliate or ridicule a child," Blackstock warns. "It could leave psychological problems that will stay with the child all their life." He adds that children are generally more accommodating than adults to try remedies such as absorbent undergarments or other solutions that help prevent bedwetting. "Kids often [bedwetting] better than the parents do," Blackstock says. Using disposable undergarments helps boost self-esteem since the child no longer feels guilty about having to wake the parent to change sheets or do laundry.

Michael P. Hayes, Ph.D., a psychologist in Traverse City, Mich., suggests that parents should broach the subject with the incontinent child's siblings as well. "Children should be able to understand what is happening to their sibling, and parents should give them as much awareness of the problem as to be helpful," says Hayes. He urges parents to be supportive and nurturing and impress on the incontinent child as well as the siblings that they are OK. "Tell your children that everyone has some type of difficulty; no one is perfect," Hayes says.

Support From Siblings
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