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Parents Who Pamper
How to Stop Over Indulging Our Children
By Emily Mendell
"Parents are confused," Dr. Bettner says. "They have good intentions but don't see their actions as irresponsible."
So what defines over indulging or pampering? The most straightforward definition is doing something for a child that they can do for themselves, Dr. Bettner says. It also involves setting unhealthy expectations of entitlement. Examples of such parental behavior include the following:
Waking a child up in the morning - Helping to dress
- Packing lunches
- Fetching items
- Supervising homework
- Constantly reminding
- Granting reprieves on chores
- Replacing lost or broken items
- Purchasing unearned gifts
By engaging in this behavior, parents are depriving children of critical opportunities to develop into independent adults. We are robbing them of responsibility.
There are many theories as to why we over indulge our children. Butler hypothesizes that with more dual-income families, the guilt factor plays heavily. She also thinks that parents who have fewer children have more time to indulge. "Once I had my third child, I physically couldn't do as much for each of them," she says.
Butler also notices that society fosters a sense of instant gratification and entitlement. "My 3-year-old knows that if you miss a TV show, you can 'DVR it,'" she says. "They realize that they are able to get whatever they want, whenever they want." This societal pressure is all the more reason for parents to provide balance.