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Parents Who Pamper
How to Stop Over Indulging Our Children
By Emily Mendell
Moving away from indulgent behavior takes parental perseverance and energy. Stacy Kincaid of Bethesda, Md., recently stopped making lunches and organizing dance and swim bags for her two girls, ages 10 and 8. "I do think it takes consistent reinforcement," she says. "That's the hard part. Sometimes they complain that it's hard to make a sandwich and spread peanut butter, but I tell them that it's no more difficult than putting a dress on a Polly Pocket."
Kincaid recognizes that even the most well intentioned parent has moments of vulnerability. "When you're tired and in a hurry and they're complaining about making their lunches, it's easy to just grab the Ziplocs and do it yourself," she says. "If you can take a minute and remind them of why they're doing it, and then leave the room ... it's amazing what gets done while my hairdryer is buzzing away upstairs."
Dr. Bettner reassures parents that you can still be kind without over indulging. "If you are in the kitchen and near the juice, it's absolutely OK to ask the child if he or she wants some juice." The difference between being kind and pampering is usually recognizable.
Parents must constantly ask themselves, "What qualities do I want for my child, and is doing this for them instilling or diluting those qualities?" I now ask myself this question every day, and it is beginning to yield dividends. My children still have warm clothes in the morning, but they pick them out and put them in the dryer all by themselves. And watching them, I feel warm all over too.