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United We Stand?
When Two Parenting Styles Merge By Lisamarie Sanders
Suppose, for example, that a father wants to color with his child, but it's bedtime. An unproductive argument might play like this: "This is not a good time for coloring. It's bedtime, and she needs her sleep. You can color with her tomorrow." A better way of handling the situation, which teaches negotiation and respect, might go something like this: "Let's get into our pajamas and brush our teeth now, and then you can color with Daddy in your room for a little while." This alternative meets the needs of both parents. "In business we always find a way to negotiate. We should work for that in our families, too," Fletcher says.
Agree to DisagreeSometimes, though, no matter how hard we try, a compromise cannot be met. "It happened to us," says Fletcher. Her husband felt strongly that their children should be given an allowance. She felt just as strongly that they should not. "We agreed to disagree," she says. "Sometimes kids can have an arrangement with one parent independent from the other parent." In her case, her husband set up an allowance for the children, but it doesn't involve her. "If we're in the store and my son doesn't have enough money for what he wants, I will not give him an advance on his allowance. That's an arrangement he has with his father, not with me." She says her children understand this, and so they don't even ask.
The Last Word
While it is a good idea to continue working toward a unified front, it is important to acknowledge that being completely in sync all the time is little more than a dream for most of us. Levy suggests that parents evaluate their kids. "If they're doing all right at home, at school and with their peers, then OK if parents don't always agree, I wouldn't make a big deal of it."