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Home › Articles › Discipline › Whining Battles

Whining Battles

Winning the War on Whining

By Valerie Kasrich O'Berry

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Charles Fay, Ph.D., a principal staff member of The Love and Logic Institute and co-author of the book Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood, suggests yet another approach to curb whining – turning a deaf ear on the behavior.

Fay says that when your child whines, pretend that you can't hear him. If your child persists in whining, you may have to say something like, "I hear a squeaking noise but I don't understand it. Maybe it's a bug or something." If the child continues to whine, keep playing the whining game by saying, "I can't hear you." This strategy often gets little kids talking "big" in no time at all.

If none of these winning whining strategies works, take comfort in the fact that your child probably won't whine forever, although it may feel like it. "Once they learn to put their feelings into words, the problem usually stops," Wallace says.

Whining Do's and Don'ts

  • Don't ridicule your child for whining.
  • Do keep encouraging him to use words to express his feelings.
  • Don't banish your child to another room.
  • Do communicate your understanding of your child's feelings. Say, "I understand that you want a cookie and you're disappointed you can't have one, but it's almost time for dinner."
  • Don't cave. Don't give your child what he wants to stop the whining.
  • Do ask him to repeat himself in a "regular" voice.
  • Do remember that whining is a normal part of growing up. If your child whines, you're still a good parent.


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