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Ending Sibling Fights
A Step-by-step Approach
By Elizabeth Pantley
It's a proven fact. Kids will fight longer, louder and with more enthusiasm when they have an audience. Usually, it's because they hope you'll step in and solve the problem. (You can sometimes tell that this is happening because your son's comments are directed at his sister, but his eyes are on you!) Therefore, it stands to reason that if you leave the room, they will have to solve the problem themselves. A large amount of verbal battles will fizzle out without a parent's interference. If you think about it, you'll really love this solution. It gives you permission to follow the essence of the advice from a particularly appealing bumper sticker I've seen, "When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping".
Step 3: Identify and Solve the Problems
Try to identify if there is a pattern to the kids' fights. Do they typically fight over one thing, say the computer, or choice of TV shows? If so, make a schedule for computer or TV use. Do they always fight while you're making dinner? You could enlist their help in preparing the meal, feed them a healthy snack or have a routine activity planned during that time, such as homework or chores. Do they always fight over who sits where at the table, or in the car? Assign specific seats and rotate them monthly. Do they fight while they are getting ready for bed in the evening? Let them take turns using the bathroom, one at a time, for a specified time period. The idea here is to identify the "hot spots" between your children and create a plan to prevent the problem from continually causing arguments.
Step 4: Teach
Teach your children how to negotiate and compromise with each other. Have both children st on a sofa at opposite ends, or on two adjacent chairs. Give them a choice. Tell them you will "arbitrate or mediate." Of course, they will ask what you mean. Let them know that "arbitrate" means you make the decision and they will live with it, "mediate" means they
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