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When a Relative Interferes
Keeping Your Sanity While Keeping the Peace By Nancy Vondrak
When Grandma tells Junior that she completely disagrees with your latest discipline, you know she really means well. After all, she loves her grandkids and it's her job to spoil them -- right? Well, maybe.
Even grandparents and extended family members who have your best interest in mind can sometimes wreak havoc on your marriage and relationships with your children. So how do you handle their interference without hurting feelings or prompting a family feud?
It may be helpful to understand these situations more clearly.
Three's a Crowd
"Triangulation is when two people's relations are affected by a third person," says Dr. Francis Chiappa, a clinical psychologist with Horizons Counseling Services in Cleveland, Ohio. Chiappa teaches couples that when they got married, they weren't just bringing together two individuals, but two family structures. It's a challenge to merge these families because of their different traditions and views on subjects such as discipline, education and religion, he says. "More often, the families will clash in one or more of these areas." Communication Survival Skills
Assume that Grandma and Grandpa want to buy your kids a television for their bedroom as a gift. For a variety of reasons, you don't want your children to have a television in their room. Chiappa offers these suggestions to tactfully handle this situation: Present a United Front.
Chiappa uses the Family Systems Theory, which encourages couples to strengthen their relationship so they're not caught in the middle. "You must present a united front in confronting a relative," he says. "It's important for both of you to 'be on the same page' with an issue."