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When a Relative Interferes

Keeping Your Sanity While Keeping the Peace

By Nancy Vondrak

The way you handle an interfering relative may also depend on special situations. You may address the issue differently if, for example, your mother-in-law watches your kids on a regular basis while you and your spouse work.

Because of increased contact with both you and your child, relatives who baby-sit may be more inclined to let their opinions on childrearing be known.

Since they provide something you need -- namely, child care -- you should decide how much input you will put up with. "If your views on child care are in conflict a little, you may be able to tolerate it," Chiappa says. "If they are in conflict a lot, you have to look at your options. Ask yourself if you can live with these differences or if you're willing to make some compromises."

Being a single dad often attracts more wanted or unwanted relative input. "Single parents are more prone to this type of interference because they tend to need their families more," Chiappa says.

Darnell Carter, a family life educator in Cleveland, Ohio, works a lot with fathering groups composed of single dads. He advises these dads to look at possible reasons for a relative's interfering. "I encourage a dad to ask himself if he's acted like a man who will take care of his responsibilities to his children," he says.

Carter also finds that fulfilling basic responsibilities -- like showing up for your children when you're supposed to and staying employed -- will give relatives less need to interfere.