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Sexual Abuse
How to Prevent It
By Julia Rosien
"Start by giving children small choices, and let them feel in control," says Joanne Hughes, Coordinator of Education for Citizens Concerned with Crimes Against Children. "Hair needs to be washed, but for a child who finds the experience traumatic, let him decide how often, within reason. Other harmless freedoms like wearing shorts over track pants allow him to gain a sense control over his life."
"Don't overreact when children make poor choices," Hughes says. "Your anger erodes your child's ability to think for himself. Replace 'I told you not to' with a much more caring phrase: 'I'm glad you told me. Now let's make a plan.'"
In a recent talk, Hughes presented a group of preteens with a problem. She asked them to imagine they had been dropped off at the theater and instead of watching the movie they came to see, they watched a restricted movie. While in the theater, someone touched them inappropriately. Would they tell their parents? Out of 75 kids, five said they might. Why? Because in telling, they feared the consequences of getting caught watching a forbidden movie.
Anna Cameron regularly talks one on one with her children. "We kibitz while doing homework or snuggling up before bed and when something big comes up, I'm usually the first to know." Communicating in all aspects of your child's life creates a safe environment for confiding without fear.
Assist children in the fine art of communication, and hep them label their feelings (comfortable vs. uncomfortable). When parents are comfortable talking about sexuality, children are more likely to ask questions and not be embarrassed to divulge abuse.