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Wartime Parenting
The Do's and Don'ts of Talking to Children About a Parent in the War Zone
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
Do respond to the feeling tone of your child's question or comment.
If your child says, "Daddy doesn't seem to care about us anymore," this is not the time to focus on the content of the message. It is not helpful at this time to reassure your child that his father does care or work to convince him that his feelings are wrong. Focus your attention instead on responding to the feelings stated or implied. Say, "You're missing your dad today" or "It feels lonely to have your dad so far away, doesn't it?" The feeling your child is communicating is more important than the content of his message. Children are starving for feeling recognition. Feed their hunger by helping them focus on their feelings without attempting to talk them out of those feelings. Don't give children more information than they ask for.
If your 7-year-old child wants to know why she doesn't hear from Mommy more often, it isn't necessary to explain logistical mail problems, technological nuances or the inner working of the U.S. Postal Service. After acknowledging your child's feeling tone as suggested, give her a simple answer: "It's difficult to keep up correspondence when you're engaged in the important work that your mother does." If she wants to know more, she'll ask. Don't watch a lot of TV news with your child. Television and newspapers sensationalize. That is how they get readers and maintain viewers. Gore, destruction and body counts sell. The safe, mundane, ongoing daily efforts of thousands of people who are in minimal danger are overlooked and go underreported. Your child does not need constant exposure as a reminder of the possible tragic results of having a parent serving their country in a war zone.