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Home › Diaries › Diane's › March 26, 2000

Diane's Diary Entries

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March 26, 2000

Hello to everyone. I apologize for not writing for a few weeks, but it has been pretty hectic around here. Austin and I weren't getting along all that well for a couple of weeks so I made the decision to let him go live with his father. It was not an easy decision to make and I more or less felt pressured into doing it because Austin was making life extremely difficult. He was being rude and belligerent and down right mean at times.

The final straw came when we were doing our grocery shopping. He hadn't been behaving well enough to earn some of the treats (i.e. junk food) that I sometimes buy him. When he realized that I wasn't going to give in and buy it for him, he hit me in the stomach and said some mean things to me. I was completely devastated as another mother was looking on. I was thinking to myself that I didn't like how the other woman was viewing him when I knew what a good boy Austin could be.

After that weekend, he moved in with Phil. I cried for days following the move wondering whether or not I had done the right thing. All I want is for my children to be well adjusted, smart and most of all happy. It was obvious to me that he wasn't happy. I don't agree with the reasons that he isn't happy, but I guess that's not for me to say.

What it boils down to is that he wanted to live with his father so that is where he went. I feel he is very, very angry with me for leaving Phil and he blames me 100 percent for the break-up. I refuse to defend my reasons for getting a divorce to him, because I think he's too young to understand the complexity of it all. I can say that in retrospect, I might have tried harder at the marriage, been more patient, etc. I thought it was the right thing at that time for both of us. Now, six years later, it's proving to have more lasting effects than I ever thought there could be.

Thursday I have an appointment with a very good child psychologist and hopefully with some outside help we can figure all of this out so that everyone is happy. Ultimately, I would like him to move back with me, but for now it seems to be going fine.

I have to say that I am less stressed than I was when I had to deal with his anger on a daily basis. His anger affected everyone and made me upset. The house is quieter for now, but I miss him. We'll see what happens on Thursday after our visit to the doctor. I hope it goes well and will keep you posted.

Diane

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