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August 20, 2004
August 20, 2004—Crying Over Sandcastles in the Sky
It’s FRIDAY!!! End of the week. Is there a better day? Not in my opinion, except maybe Saturday morning when I don’t have to get up early.
Things have mellowed out a bit in the last couple of weeks. My sister Renee came for the weekend last weekend and ended up coming out Thursday and staying until Monday. I was exhausted by the end of the weekend. But, we ended up having a pretty good weekend, despite a couple of mishaps. On Friday night, Brannen took Joey and Allen
(9 ½ -nephew) to go see Alien vs. Predator. Well, for some reason, Renee had told Allen they were going to the Yu-Gi-Oh movie instead. We’ve been planning this for a couple of weeks and we had even discussed the fact that the movie was PG-13 and it might be too scary (the kids were fine, they loved it). She doesn’t seem to remember that conversation. Well, poor Allen is all upset (Yu-Gi-Oh is his beyond FAVORITE movie/cartoon), and Renee tells him she’s sorry, but the movie was already picked and stuff. Then Allen starts really crying hard. So, I tell Renee that they can go to Yu-Gi-Oh, but she wants no part of it. She and Allen go back and forth for 15 mins (meanwhile, the movie is starting in 25 mins) and he’s crying and she’s telling him he needs to just go and he’ll enjoy the movie and everything. She’s getting mad and frustrated and he’s not listening to her and he won’t come over to her when she calls to him. Well, near the end of the crying episode, Renee does a complete 180 and talks to him all calm and everything and promises him that they’ll go see Yu-Gi-Oh next week and that the mistake was her fault, etc. Allen goes from getting almost yelled at to being promised another movie if he’ll just go to this one. (She really just wanted a couple of hours without him, but we still had Andy-4). Well, he tearfully leaves and then I just blurt out, “Renee, they could have all gone to the Yu-Gi-Oh movie and it wouldn’t have been a big deal. Joey and Brannen would have been perfectly happy seeing it.” She says it’s no big deal and I said that, yes, it is. I don’t understand her parenting style. She’s practically yelling at him to get him to go to the movies, she’s offered an out, refuses to take it, and then calmly tells him that they’ll go see the other one at a later time. Why just not go to Yu-Gi-Oh to begin with? Anyway, this is just normal day-to-day stuff for them. And I wonder why her kids seem so confused sometimes… We went to the zoo on Saturday and it was a lot of fun. Perfect weather and just a great day. Renee kept Joey at the hotel Friday night (she really is a good person, just so messed up sometimes!) and she just met us at the zoo with the boys and our mom. They got stuck on the freeway and we were there for 45 minutes before they showed up. Hey, it happens to the best of us. On Sunday, they came over to our apartment and we had a little picnic on the floor and watched Lord of the Rings. Renee and I went to the store and Brannen watched the boys for a bit.
Joey has been doing splendidly in school. He’s getting the hang of his daily routine now and things really flow smoothly. We’re up at 6, get dressed, leave by 6:30 to take me to work, Joey eats cereal in the car with a cup of milk (I know not the best, but there’s not enough time at home), I’m at work by 7, then Brannen drives back home for Joey to make the bus by 7:30. So we have to be extra prepared in the morning. I refuse to get up before 6 and with my starting work time and Joey’s bus time, it just means he has to be extra prepared also. He really really enjoys his teacher (she is really cool) and he’s really been learning a lot already. He just grows in leaps and bounds sometimes. Until life throws another curve ball. Okay, I know I sometimes let Joey watch too much TV and movies, but he’s healthy, in great shape, has lots of friend, etc. But, it’s his imagination that gets him into trouble. Apparently, on the playground, he and his little friends get together and play Lord of the Rings. (Brannen and I are HUGE into Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, playing Dungeons and Dragons and things like that and of course that has rubbed off on Joey). Well, he has not one or two imaginary friends, but an entire army of orcs or goblins or the Men of Rohan (from Lord of the Rings) and they are having battles in the classroom. He’s been warned to pay attention and he’s really doing better. But the other day he was crying in class and Ms. Streit couldn’t figure out what was going on. According to her, Joey was upset because his men had lost the battle and some of them died and he was upset over their loss. Wow. So, she of course calls me to find out about the orcs and goblins and I told her about the movie, so that was taken care of. Well, we had a long talk with Joey about understanding the difference between real and pretend and he seems to have a really good understanding of it. He just lets his imagination loose at the wrong time. So, he was talked to about having to pay attention during class hours, but he could do whatever he wanted on the playground with his friends. I haven’t received any more phone calls, so I’m assuming that he’s doing better.
Joey has a really hard time grasping cause and effect and the word why. There is a counselor that comes by the school every couple weeks and we are going to have her sit down with Joseph and try to figure that one out. He knows things happen, but why they happen eludes him. He takes everything at face value and I know I was the same way, but he’s a lot worse than I was. He’s not lacking in any mental capacity and he knows that there are consequences for wrong actions, but he never questions why things happen. Example, the other day he came home and said that he had gotten a “good job” treat from the teacher, but he couldn’t tell us why he got it. He has no clue. It’s like he doesn’t make the connection between doing something to make something else happen. They both happen, but he doesn’t relate the one incident to the other. So very frustrating, especially if he’s done something wrong (like lying) and we’ll say, “Joey, why did you lie about throwing the ball in the house?” And he says, “because I got in trouble”. And then, “yes, Joey, you are in trouble, but why did you throw the ball when you know you aren’t supposed to?” And then, “because I was bad and mama is mad and I’m in trouble”. So then we say, “yes, you are in trouble and mama is a little mad, but for what reason did you throw the ball?” And then, deep sigh, confused look on his face, “well, maybe I shouldn’t throw the ball and I should go to my room.” IT IS THE MOST FRUSTRATING THING IN THE WORLD!!!!! I don’t know how to communicate with him like this, so hopefully the counselor will help us answer those questions and try to get Joey to learn how to open up more. He has no problem with his peers, just adults.
I think we’re just going to have a little party at our house for Joey this year for his birthday next Friday. I got him this fishing pole electronic game (like a Gameboy), but the fishing pole detaches and he can just play the game or he can attach the pole and actually pretend fish. He and Brannen go fishing all the time at the lake at our apartment complex. It’s really a glorified pond, but they stock it with fish and it’s right behind our building, so I won’t complain. They love it. We also got him a book and some mini Snickers bars that he can have all for himself. I’ve never gotten him his own bag of candy, so he’s going to flip out when he sees it. I’m not one who really limits sweets, but we don’t have dessert every night either. Just as a treat or if we’re in line at the store and I’m usually the one who asks him if he wants something. He just doesn’t ask. I hate nothing more than the parents in the checkout line with their children and their kids are screaming for candy. If you teach them that no means no in the beginning, then they will learn it. Just takes consistency. *Stepping off the soapbox, sorry*. Renee got him tons of uniform clothes and I’m sure my other 2 sisters and my mom will bombard him with game and toys. This kid wants for nothing.
On the home front, things have settled down with my parents. My dad filed the divorce paperwork last week, so that ball is rolling. My mom found a job that she’s actually looking forward to having and that is really good for her. She’s been so worried on the financial end. I just found this out, if you live in the state of Indiana, a woman cannot collect alimony if she is able to work. She’s only entitled to half the marital assets. I’ve never heard of that before and when I got divorced in Michigan, the judge asked me if I wanted alimony (spousal support) and I said no. But, if mom is going to get half of the assets, then that’s not such a bad deal. They have a lot of stuff.
On the wedding side, Brannen and I have just decided to go to the courthouse and get married. It just isn’t going to happen the way we want and all we really want is to be together. My mom has offered to go to the courthouse with us and stand as the witness, so we’ll probably just do that. Brannen’s mom still has not called or anything, but she’s called into work for the last two days. (We work on the same floor in our office, just different departments). Brannen is going to call her today to make sure everything is okay, but he really doesn’t want to since she still never even called him for his b-day and didn’t bother to get a card. We’ll never understand her. In all honesty, I probably don’t want to.
On the TTC front, still a waiting game. I should be ovulating here in the next couple days so we’ll be busy at night. :) I’m really looking forward to having a baby! At home, our lives just flow together so perfectly. I know that I am truly blessed with the relationship that Brannen and I have. I got very lucky. With everything else that goes on in the world, we always take time out to appreciate the other person, no matter how tiny it seems. I get to come home to a clean house every day and I can’t even remember the last time I cooked dinner. We want to be happy and make each other’s lives as easy as possible so we both do whatever it takes to achieve that harmony. And the best thing, since it is reciprocated so wonderfully, it makes it so easy.
Well, that is about it for me. Classes start next week on campus, so I will be busy getting last minute preps for my professors and the students coming in and not knowing where their classes are, things like that. I work for 7 graduate level professors, so it can get a little hectic in here, especially the first couple of weeks of the new year.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Friday afternoon (we’re sitting at 70 degrees and lots of rain) and a great weekend. ‘Til next time!
Take care to all and take a minute to hug your babies and significant others,
Rachel
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