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Expert Q&A

	By Keath Castelloe Low child and adolescent psychologist

My husband doesn't seem to understand or have any sympathy for our tween son who wets the bed. How can I get him to understand and be more helpful in helping our son?

Pre-adolescence is a tough time all by itself. Bodies are changing, emotions are high, and hormones are running rampant. It is a transitional period when an individual begins to move away from childhood toward independence and adulthood. Imagine how hard it is to have problems with bedwetting while going through puberty!

Many children are so hard on themselves. They feel shame and embarrassment easily. Tweens just want to fit in with their peers. Think about how different and un-normal a preteen feels when they wet the bed.

Explain to your husband that a negative approach is not helpful and may exacerbate the problem. What your son needs is a matter of fact, but reassuring approach. Your husband can help with this. He does not need to "baby" your son, but being supportive of the treatment plan and avoiding negative comments will help. Punishment is never appropriate.

If you have not already, the first thing to do is to make an appointment for a thorough physical exam. There may be medical causes for the bedwetting, also called enuresis. urinary tract infections and diabetes can lead to bedwetting, for example.

Bedwetting can also be caused by an overactive or small bladder, kidneys that make more urine at night than is normal (We typically produce less urine at night, but some people do not have enough of the hormone that controls this, as a result their bodies produce too much urine.), constipation and even stress. There is also a specific gene identified that can cause bedwetting, so your son may have inherited this. In other words, most of the time bedwetting is not purposeful. Your son's life would be so much easier without it!

Encourage your husband to meet with the doctor to get a better understanding about enuresis, its causes and treatment approaches. Sometimes we can explain things until we are blue in the face. Hearing from a professional may better validate for your husband what you are trying to explain.

It may also help to give your son some responsibility by having him strip the sheets on his bed and washing them. He can be responsible for putting clean sheets back on the bed. This should not be punitive. It is simply a way for him to take more responsibility for his care.

Remind your son to limit his fluid intake two to three hours before bed. Limit caffeine also, as it can irritate his bladder. He can set his alarm clock to wake up a few hours after going to bed for a quick trip to the bathroom to empty his bladder. You may have to help him with this, but giving him the responsibility for setting the clock allows him more control over the situation.

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