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Expert Q&A
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| By Susan Bartell Licensed Psychologist | ||
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My husband left me for another woman, whom he is now living with. My daughter, who is 8, visits with her father on a regular basis. She came home the other day and started asking me questions about why her father fell in love with his current girlfriend. I just don't know how to respond. It's a classic case of trading up -- younger, hotter woman. If I am truthful, I know it's because I gained 50 pounds since the wedding day and couldn't bear to let him touch me after that. How do you tell an 8-year-old that?
You certainly don't need to tell your daughter the truth! She needs to hear that sometimes grown-ups fall out of love with one person and then in love with another one. Explain that although we try really hard to make the right choice the first time, it doesn't always work out because sometimes people change. Give her some examples that she can relate to – perhaps you and her dad both liked the same color when you met, but now your favorite colors are different. Although it's obvious to you that he "traded up," it's unlikely that your daughter realizes this at all. I'd also suggest that you encourage her to speak to her dad when she has questions about his life. This is a good habit to begin now. The less involved you are in her relationship with him and his love-life, the healthier it will be for you!
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