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Home › Expert Q&A › Family › My son, who has not seen his alcoholic father in five years, is having trouble in school. I am thinking about moving, but am worried how this will affect him. How should I handle this?

Expert Q&A

 

By Mary Dailey
Addictions Counselor

My son, who has not seen his alcoholic father in five years, is having trouble in school. I am thinking about moving, but am worried how this will affect him. How should I handle this?

There are several things going on with you and your son, so let me try to sort out an order.

  • Since his dad is an alcoholic and so very inconsistent, it's important that your son knows his dad cares for him, but isn't able to show him because of his own problems. By age 8, kids are learning about alcohol and other drugs. You can help him, but telling him his dad has a disease that affects his thinking and his behavior. Remind your son, that it is his dad's problem, and you son is not the cause of his father's drinking. You son should know that he can't fix his dad and that his dad needs to get better before he can be a real father to him.
  • Work with the school to find out what the specific problems in school are and what resources are available to you and your son. Without knowing what problems he is experiencing, it is hard to know what to do to help. Continue to talk with your son about school and listen to his feelings. You could ask him what he would wish for if he could make school different. Different is an important piece here. Don't ask him how to make it better, but different. What should be changed? Ask him if he were the teacher, what would he change.
  • Prepare your son for the move; let him know that he will have new opportunities and will still be able to have phone contact with his dad, his friends, etc. At his age, he will appreciate seeing pictures of the new city, home, etc. Also you might want to make pictures of friends, favorite places and special memories of your current home and town. He can help with this project and begin to look forward to his new town. You can explain to him why you are excited about this new opportunity and ask him what he would wish for in a new town/new bedroom, etc.

Good Luck!"

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