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Expert Q&A

	By Keath Castelloe Low child and adolescent psychologist

How do I talk to my 9-year-old about Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy? She loves that show and it's all she's been talking about.

The news about 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spear's pregnancy has been particularly worrisome for parents of preteens and teens who watch her show, Zoey 101. This show is among the most watched television programs in the U.S. for kids between the ages of 9 and 14. To millions and millions of these young girls, Jamie Lynn is a role model. The character she plays is a bright, charismatic, quick thinker who often mediates difficult situations and saves the day with her problem solving. Jamie Lynn's wholesome persona has contrasted starkly to her older sister's, escapades. Yet now, Jamie Lynn is in the news and millions of young girls are trying to sort out their own feelings about seeing someone they previously wanted to emulate now dealing with teen pregnancy.

One positive aspect of this situation is that it opens up a channel between parents and their children to talk openly about sexuality and sexual relationships. Ask your daughter how she feels about the situation. Spend time listening to her. Keep the channel open by being non-judgmental and approachable about all topics. Be aware of your facial expressions and body language. Try to be relaxed. Invite your daughter to ask questions. Be honest. Talking about sex isn't easy for all parents. Tell your daughter how you feel: "Sometimes talking about sex is a little difficult, but it is so important. I want you to have correct information and I want you to be able to come to me with anything including any questions and any concerns."

At 9 years old your daughter may just be entering puberty. Use this time to talk with her about her changing body. Two wonderful books to share with your daughter are Growing Up: It's a Girl Thing (Alfred A. Knopf, 1998) by Mavis Jukes and American Medical Association: Girl's Guide to Becoming a Teen (Jossey-Bass, 2006) edited by Amy B. Middleman. These books are written specifically for preteens and young teens. Use the books as a guide. You may want to read chapters together or your daughter may want to read the chapters to herself. If she chooses to read to herself, be sure to follow up with her and encourage conversation about the books. Various topics from body hair, to growing breasts, to first bras and menstrual cycle, to appropriate touch, to the reproductive organs and sexual intercourse are all covered. The Girl's Guide to Becoming a Teen covers more area on relationships and sexuality.

If you have not yet talked about the specifics of sexual intercourse and reproduction, do so. Use correct terms for body parts. Get a feel for your daughter's knowledge. Correct any misinformation. Recommended books include Let's Talk About S-E-X: A Guide for Kids 9 to 12 and Their Parents (The Book Peddlers, 2005) by Sam Gitchel and Lorri Foster, It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex and Sexual Health (Candlewick, 2004) by Robie Harris, and Asking About Sex and Growing Up: A Question and Answer Book for Boys and Girls (HarperTrophy, 1988) by Joanna Cole.

Talk about the responsibilities and consequences that come from being sexually active. Pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases are two major consequences. Talk with her about contraception and protection. Talk with her about the importance of abstinence.

Share your own values and beliefs about waiting to engage in sexual intercourse. Talk about the responsibilities that come along with sexuality. Discuss the impact Jamie Lynn's pregnancy will have on her life as she becomes a teenage mother. Better yet, ask your daughter what impact she thinks it will have and follow up her responses with responses of your own.

Always let your child know you are available to talk about anything. Communication is key. Teach about sexuality in a healthy and positive manner. Some parents worry that talking about sex may make children more curious or may encourage them to go out and engage in sex. Studies, however, have found that teens whose parents have talked openly about sex and relationships are actually more responsible in their sexual behavior.

Spend time talking about the show Zoey 101 and the difference between Zoey, the character, and Jamie Lynn, the actress. Though Jamie Lynn has made a choice in her life that may not be the best, her character Zoey has been a good role model on the show. Ask your daughter about the qualities she admires in Zoey. Encourage her to identify other role models. What makes them positive? Share with your daughter the qualities you admire in her. What are her strengths? What does she see as her strengths? What does she like best about herself?

Though the news of Jamie Lynn's pregnancy has been unexpected and raised worries among us all, we as parents can use this time as a "teachable moment" for our own children. Our calm, non-judgmental, educating reaction can help build our child's self-esteem and understanding about healthy and responsible sexuality.

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