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Expert Q&A

	By iParenting Staff iParenting Staff Experts

My 6-year-old often sees her 8-year-old cousin playing like she's having a baby, and doing CPR and French kissing her brother. Is this normal sexual curiosity?

There is likely to be little effect on the daughter of the questioner if she is 6 and she was a bystander who happened upon the event. Most 5- to 7-year-olds spend time "playing doctor" out of physical curiosity. There is rarely, if ever, any sexual issues or interest, and the behavior fades away, especially if parents openly discuss it with the kids as being typical but not something to be done as a public display -- people get embarrassed, others may react more strongly. To some extent, the exposure the child has to sexuality in videos, on TV, in the family may make such activity of more concern at this younger age. We don't know what these children have been exposed to, and presumably the questioner has let the parents of the 8-year-old child know the behavior is occurring. we would also be more inclined to intervene if the daughter of the questioner has now shown a change in behavior.

By the age of 10-12 years, sexuality is an issue, again external experiences being a major influence on whether the behavior becomes "inappropriate." So this girl at 8 is really "too old" to be playing doctor, but younger than the group who normally shows sexual interest. The activities as described are also unusual -- playing having a baby, doing CPR (many kids have been exposed to TV shows/movies where French kissing may be the only kind of kissing shown). It's also not clear whether this "demonstration" was put on for the audience -- if they were recruited that would be worrisome. If this is one of a series of incidents it would also raise concern about an 8-year-old. We would want to know if the 8-year-old thinks this is wrong, or that she is in some way embarrassed when discovered. Any 8-year-old should know the behavior described will draw not just attention, but also criticism. If she has older siblings who are dating, bringing friends in the house, there may be an element of imitation. Finally we are equally concerned about the 6-year-old boy, whether he is the willing participant or coerced, the effects on him are likely to be greater than those on any observers.

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