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Expert Q&A

	By Elizabeth Pantley Child Behavior Expert Better Beginnings, Inc.

My 8-year-old is the youngest and tallest boy in his class. He does not have an aggressive bone in his body. I've encouraged him to play baseball and soccer, almost forcing him to finish the baseball season. He now has the opportunity to start playing basketball. He said he doesn't want to try because it's not his sport. He now claims his sports are baseball and soccer. I've begged him to at least try for one season so he is. I was very involved in sports until I had him. His dad played high school football and is a runner. His 3-year-old little brother is the aggressive one who will jump at every opportunity. I would not have my 8-year-old any other way. He is a good, very polite, very creative little boy. I'm not scared of what he's NOT going to be if he doesn't try sports. I'm more scared of what he IS going to be if he doesn't. Namely, a couch potato that doesn't have the energy or ambition to do anything. Am I being too aggressive?

There are many positive aspects of youth sports. Sports promote teamwork, healthy self-esteem and mastery of skills. And you are right -- participation in sports also promotes a healthy lifestyle that can combat the TV-computer-coach-potato mentality of many of our children. It's worth the effort to encourage your child to participate in some kind of sporting activity.

First, make sure you're offering sports that fit your child's personality. Some children are drawn to "ball" sports, such as baseball, soccer and tennis. Others prefer swimming, horseback riding, gymnastics or sailing. Analyze your child's strengths and weaknesses, the things your child enjoys or avoids. Let your child try several different activities until he finds one that suits him. Your husband may have played football, and you both love the game today, but if your child is drawn to baseball and soccer instead, open your heart and mind and support the sport your child chooses, while gently encouraging him to try your favorite, too.

There may be a reason your son doesn't want to try basketball. For many children, if they have never played a sport, even casually, they may fear that they "won't know how" of that "they will look foolish." Find out if other boys who are signing up are new to the sport. Take all of them to a park with a hoop and let them give it a whirl. Your son may decide that it's fun and he'd like to try. Make sure he knows what your expectations are. If he thinks that you expect him to be a star, he may be reluctant to even try. Convince him that the reason you want him to play is for pure fun. It takes the pressure off.

You may want to take your son to a few professional-sporting activities of the types you would like him to consider. Often when children see skilled athletes and feel the excitement of the event, they become more interested in trying the activity themselves.

Take the time to play sporting games at home or at the park with your son. Often playing a casual game with the family, without the pressure of a coach or team, can encourage a child to learn a game and enjoy playing it. This activity also gives your child a role model to follow.

Find a sport activity you can enjoy with your son, such as martial arts, swimming or tennis, and take lessons together. Children enjoy the attention from a parent, and will learn to enjoy the sport in the process.

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