- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- preschoolers today articles
- preschoolers today q&a
- children today articles
- children today q&a
- community & groups
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
From Our Sponsors
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Expert Q&A
 |  |  |
| By Kate Cohen-Posey Therapist | ||
 |
My son-in-law spends a lot of time with his three boys and gets very involved in sports with them. He does not correct them except when he gets upset with them and then he will pop them right in the face. He does not do this regularly but does do it. It upsets me and I want to tell him not to hit them in the face, but I don't know how to handle it.
The most important thing is to talk to your son-in-law when the children aren't around. First point out the good things he does as a parent, especially if there are any positive discipline approaches that he uses. Mention that you notice that he only pops his children in the face when he is upset and ask him if he ever regrets it afterward. Ask him if he has ever thought of other ways he could discipline them when they upset him. It might help if you read up on a few approaches yourself a head of time. Pick sources that use a variety of consequences.
Brief Therapy Client Handouts (John Wiley & Sons, 2000) has a chapter called "Powerful Parenting" which uses my approach but just looking at the parenting section in any bookstore will lead you to useful material. Instead if telling him, "You should...." Ask, "What do you think about ....(doing such and such)." It is not clear to me if you are saying he pops them in the face for undesirable behavior or sports performance. I would be very concerned if the latter were the case. Ask if he thinks such actions would turn them against the sport in the long run. Putting suggestions in question form will make you seem less interfering and like you value his input. If he is leaving marks on his children more drastic intervention may be needed. Remember, what he does in front of you may not be as bad as what he does when you are not there.
Related Expert Q&A
- My child complains frequently of stomachaches. What questions do I need to ask him to find out why his stomach hurts?
- My 8-year-old is the youngest and tallest boy in his class.He does not have an aggressive bone in his body. I've encouraged him to play baseball and soccer, almost forcing him to finish the baseball season. Am I being too aggressive?
- My son-in-law hits his children when he gets upset with them. I want to tell him not to hit them in the face but I don't know how to handle it.
- What are your thoughts about allowing a 5-year-old to continue to sleep with his parents instead of her own bed in her own room?
More Answers by this Expert
- My 11-month-old doesn't seem interested in playing with other toddlers. Should I encourage him by joining a playgroup?
- How can I stop my older daughter from picking on heryounger sister?
- When should a child be given a key to the house?
- How can I curb my 8-year old son's rude behavior?
- My daughter wasn't invited to a friend's party. What should I tell her?