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Home › Expert Q&A › Family › We have two boys and are expecting another baby in April. What is the best way to share the news with them?

Expert Q&A

 

By Harriet S. Worobey, M.A.
Early Childhood Educator
Director, the Nutritional Sciences Preschool

We have two boys, ages 8 and 5, and are expecting another baby in April. What is the best way to share the news with them without having them feel threatened that our love for them will be taken away by the new baby?

Unless you have already told your boys, I would recommend holding off for a little while. I know that parents like to share their exciting news right away, but all that waiting time from now until April seems long to us, imagine how hard it is for children! I would suggest waiting until you show a little bit, say four months, and are past the three-month danger period for miscarriages.

That being said, I think that you may be anticipating a much more negative reaction than you may get from your 8- and 5-year-olds. You may be remembering the jealousy that your older son had when your second son was born. However, remember that he was only 3 then! Most children above the age of 5 are much more positive about the arrival of a new sibling. Just make sure that you involve them with the baby and let them know how much you value their help. Oftentimes, hospitals have sibling programs that would be very helpful. New technology is another great thing: sharing sonograms or even just letting them listen to the heartbeat with a stethoscope can be very exciting.

Another fun activity they may enjoy is helping you and your husband get the room ready for the baby. Be sure to let them relive all of their fun baby days -- looking at photos, videos, looking at their old toys and baby clothes as they come out. They are a bit old for some of the excellent books available dealing with sibling rivalry (Berenstain Bears and the New Baby, etc.), although your younger son might still like some of them.

This is also a time for your husband to help you out a little more. If the boys are used to energetic play from you and you need extra time to rest, he can take up the slack. After the baby is born, try to arrange special times (even if it is just a trip to the library or driving to soccer practice) when someone else watches the baby and you can concentrate on the older ones. Parents don't mean to make the older ones feel less important, but sometimes all that fussing about the baby makes them feel so. Try to reassure them that yes, babies are special, but so are older children! Best of luck!

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