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Do You Know Your Parenting Style?

By Marie-Helen Goyetche

Family Have you ever noticed, faced with the same situation, parents react in different ways? Diana Baumrind's research (1967, 1971, 1977 1979; Baumrind & Black 1967) has discovered three different parenting (caregiver) styles. Which category do you think you fall under? Ask yourself these questions: Can your children talk and negotiate with you? Can your children make decisions and make choices for themselves? Or because you are the parent, do your children have no say in things? Take this quiz and discover your parenting style.

How do you react when....

  1. Your mother-in-law feeds junk food and sweets to your child when you visit. You...

    let your child eat it.
    intervene and tell your mother-in-law "no way!"
    allow sweets for dessert only.

  2. Your son wants to watch cartoons rated for 8 year olds and older but he's only 5. You...

    let him watch the shows.
    tell him no and change the channel.
    decide to preview the shows before he does and then see if they are suitable or not.

  3. Your daughter has emptied your button container, scattering buttons all over the place. You...

    help her clean up.
    get mad and tell her to clean up -- now!
    tell her to clean up and nothing else is allowed until it gets done.

  4. Your son broke your favorite vase and is lying about it, telling you the neighbor's boys did it. You...

    say it's okay but are saddened by the loss of your vase.
    punish him for both lying and breaking the vase.
    reprimand him for lying. You tell him had he said the truth -- about how the vase broke -- no reprimands would have been necessary.

  5. Your daughter wants to play with the twin girls across the street. They're 14 years old and your daughter is 9. You...

    let all the girls play together.
    forbid her from going over.
    talk to her and help her find alternate friends.

  6. Your boy has scratched another boy's face. You...

    let it go -- it was a children's fight.
    get mad and scratch him to give him a sense of what the pain is like.
    discuss with him what happened and reprimand, to show disapproval.

  7. Your daughter forgot to do her homework...again. You...

    let it go and let the teacher deal with it.
    punish her and give her extra work to do.
    help her establish a checklist and ways to remember so she won't forget anymore.

  8. Your son has written all over the table, chair and floor using wax crayons. You...

    laugh and give him a stack of papers for next time.
    get upset, wash it off yourself and get rid of all types of crayons.
    get him to wash it off and the next art session will be closely monitored.

  9. Your daughter has problems making friends at school. You...

    have a big party and shower the children with gifts and bribes.
    think that's good; friends are problems altogether.
    have a discussion with her about what friendship is all about and enroll her in an activity where she'll make some friends.

  10. You're not feeling well today and your son needs that extra attention. You...

    forget about yourself and concentrate on him.
    call your spouse – they're his kids, too!
    call your mother to come and take care of both of you -- what are grandmas for?

  11. Your daughter whines when she doesn't get things her way. You...

    give in to her -- the only way to end the whining.
    punish her for whining.
    tell her to use words instead of whining and discuss the reason why she's really upset.

  12. How many rules and regulations do you have at your house?

    You have no specific rules.
    You have many rules and each has its own set of consequences if they are broken.
    You have a few for security reasons and the rest get discussed along the way.

  13. You make your favorite lasagna for your birthday dinner but your son hates it. You...

    make something else for him.
    make one meal and one meal only.
    discuss with him the number of bites you want him to eat before he can have any birthday cake.

  14. Your son always has to go to the bathroom when you say bedtime. You...

    let him go. When you have to go, you have to go.
    get upset and send him straight to bed.
    set up a timer where he has 30 minutes to do whatever and then it's bedtime -- no matter what.

  15. When you confront your daughter about not listening to others' rules. You...

    choose not to confront her -- you don't like that person anyway.
    you get upset and ground her for misbehaving.
    discuss respect and why rules are needed. Depending on the severity, you discuss an appropriate alternative.

  16. You're running errands and your son wants everything in sight. You..

    spend on the junk he asks for.
    get mad, grab him and leave the store -- you'll do your errands another time.
    No is no. You continue with your shopping and find something you find acceptable.

  17. Do you get angry with your child?

    rarely.
    every day.
    once a week.

  18. Your daughter has a nightmare and instead of going to bed she climbs into bed with you. You...

    let her be. Both of you sleep the rest of the night.
    yell at her to get back into her own bed.
    get up, comfort her and tuck her in her own bed.

  19. What are the greatest values you want to instill in your child?

    self regulation and freedom of speech.
    obedience and respect for authority.
    respect and the art of negotiation.


About the Author: Marie-Helen Goyetche is an iParenting contributing writer and the mother of two boys.

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